New Bridge EAP Services Bereavement

                        Am I Losing It?
             © 2000 Courtesy of writer, Sherry Sharon

When we lose something very precious to us it can be painful
beyond words. In fact, it can be agony. There is no
vaccination against loss. We cannot build up an immunity to it.
It is like a deep wound. It takes time to heal. If you do not allow
time for a physical wound to heal, it can become infected. The
same is true of a grief wound. It is normal to wonder if you
could ever heal from a grief wound. In the process you may
even wonder if you are "losing it." Good news there are
normal, healthy responses to grief that can aid the body’s
natural healing process. We will list the appropriate (natural)
responses to grief and the inappropriate responses to grief.
We will show you how you can survive a crisis of loss. It is
normal to experience the peaks and the valleys. You may
experience a peak (good day) and then without warning you
hear a song, pass a place that had special meaning to you
and the deceased, and it seems like you plummet to the
valley below. Holidays, anniversaries, seasons of the year,
fragrances can trigger emotions. It is good to set time aside
for weeping (shedding tears from an overwhelming emotion).
It is good to set time aside for mourning (a period of time
during which a death is mourned.) "To everything there is a
season, a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be
born, and a time to die...a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a
time to mourn, and a time to dance..." (Ecclesiastes 3)

You may experience some of the following reactions to grief.
They are to be expected. If you defer them, it may prolong the
grief process:

TYPICAL RESPONSE TO GRIEF

ATYPICAL RESPONSE TO GRIEF

Some of the reactions listed as appropriate can
become inappropriate. The difference is in the degree,
intensity, duration and frequency of these responses.

HOW CAN I SURVIVE THIS CRISIS?

Talk about your loss
Use the deceased’s name. Let others know it will make you
feel better if they do likewise. Encourage others to share
memories with you of what the deceased meant to them. For
example, "I remember when..."

Record your thoughts in a journal
Record your thoughts, special memories, the things you wish
you had said and done, what you miss about the deceased.
Record your feelings: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Record the special things someone has done for you that
meant a lot to you during this difficult time. Children can make
a treasure box of their memories of the deceased.

Get plenty of rest
Pace yourself. Get plenty of rest, good nutrition and exercise.
Take a walk. Eat something even if you do not feel like it.
Take vitamins.

Consider a living memorial
Plant a tree, shrub, rosebush or a rose garden in memory of
the deceased. Put flowers on the altar, or make a donation to
a worthy cause in memory of the deceased.

Avoid making major decisions immediately following a loss
Beware of scam artists that prey on those going through
crisis. Before making major financial decisions talk to
someone: your pastor, your banker, an investment counselor,
etc. Before you sell your home consider renting it out for a
period of time. Before quitting a job think about taking a
temporary leave of absence. Before moving in with family go
for an extended visit with the family. Before changing
geographical location vacation there for a period of time to
see if you can adjust to the climate changes, etc.

Give yourself some tender loving care
Pamper yourself. Take a warm bubble bath. Read a good
book. Nurture according to your nature.

Find someone who has been through the experience
Join a grief support group; fellowship with your group of
choice.

Take time to mourn
If your child has been killed, bring purpose out of a tragedy.
For example, form a group like MADD, establish legislation
like Megan’s Law, etc. Turn your mourning into creative
energy. For example, if you sew, make a memory quilt. Use
scraps of material taken from the deceased’s shirts, jeans,
etc., to make the quilt blocks. If you make doll dresses, make
dresses from the deceased’s clothing and give them as a gift
to a special friend of the deceased.

Reach out to others
Stay active. Become a volunteer in a hospital, senior center,
nursing home, hospice organization, widowed persons
service, soup kitchen. Avoid isolating.

Take a trip you have always wanted to take
If you are financially able, join a tour group or remodel a room
in your home.

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